A to Z of Nonsense

Arbitrary avenues, bellicose bends

Cantilevered caverns, dangerous dens

Every single episode could easily expose

Fancy if you will and gather all the goes

Hurry to the harbour, investigate the Ids

Jump every jerrycan kissing all the kids

Leap over lanterns, many then some more

Nicking all the neaps and offering an oar

Picking up some peppers, quacking in a queue

Running rings around us stirring up the stew

Taking turns to tamper, urging we undock

Voting for the vampires and cooking with a wok

Exiting excitingly yawning yet again

Zeds and zoos and zany clues adds zest we can’t explain

Rapid Rhyme #36

Woe is me

My tummy’s hurting quite a lot

I may not last the night

My forehead’s getting very hot

My chest is feeling tight

I think my arm is dropping off

It really feels quite weird

And now I have a tickly cough

And spittle in my beard

I’ll p’raps survive till Monday morn

But maybe I will not

I’ll just sit here, alone, forlorn

And very slowly rot!

*I don’t really have a beard!*

Thin Skin – A linked limerick

Such a marvellous thing is my skin

It helps keep my blood and guts in

It keeps the rain out

But now there’s no doubt

It is getting increasingly thin


Maybe I’ve just turned a page

It’s a battle my body must wage

I develop strange hues

And so easily bruise

It’s something to do with my age

Now I’ve started you may not be able to stop me!

Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed

I saw a little squirrel go a walking human paths well trod

His tail was swishing to and fro as if ‘twas like a passing nod

to metronomes just beating time accompanying his daily trek

And oft times I remember him, his journey by that lonely beck

I ponder this, and wonder that, considering his lonely jaunt

I saw him yet again today and thought him looking rather gaunt

I’d like to think he sees me, yet, I hope he knows I can’t forget

The joy he brought when e’er we met reminds me of the epithet.

Bright eyed and bushy tailed

This being my first audio attempt I am spoiled for choice of what to offer. I tried so many versions and have rejected dozens, but cannot pick which one of six should be THE ONE. Being human, and kind, I’m giving you all six. You choose!

BEABT1
BEABT2
BEABT3
BEABT4
BEABT5
BEABT6

Words, pictures, and audio all ©petermatthews February2021

Rapid rhymes in stereo?

Back in September 2018 I posted my first Rapid Rhyme.

I didn’t define what a rapid rhyme was but had in mind that it, and any subsequent similar rhymes, should be fairly short (hence rapid you silly man!), should be written as they came to mind, with no editing whatsoever, and should rhyme (is this man as dense as he makes out?)

I’ve only posted 35 Rapid Rhymes so far but many of them have been influenced by blogs I’ve read, by current events, or by something encountered on my daily walks.

One of the writers I follow, trE, at A Cornered Gurl, did me the honour of liking the idea of Rapid Rhymes so much that she started to write her own.  Not only did she write them, but she started to narrate them too.  An example, The Roamer, can be found here.

I rather liked trE’s idea and wondered whether I should have a go at the Spoken Word myself, an idea I quickly abandoned.  After all I have a squeaky voice, not at all fit for reading poetry, and definitely not my own poetry.

I then came across another blogger, Tom Alexander, whose poetry blog, The Lighthouse, features lots of very professional sounding audible poetry.  Tom assures me he uses very low-tech methods, but he certainly achieves some very good results. Check out Fulfilment here.

This resurrected the idea of recording some of my poems.  I could never achieve the quality of Tom, but I might just have a go……….so I did!  I chose a suitable short poem and recorded it……….11 times,  11 different versions, all of varying squeakiness, or huskiness, or choking half way through.  It wasn’t perfect, but it sounded not too bad.

Then I hit a brick wall.

The ultra-simple, free version of WordPress I was using did not support audio files. 

Step forward a fairy godmother in the form of Sue at Nan’s Farm who offered to host my audio files.  I had to think about that very kind offer.  Meanwhile, I researched other ways of being heard.

Now we have lift off.

Watch this space!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye…………………You may be disappointed! 

How Dare You?

I was recently honoured to be featured, for the second time, on Sammi Cox’s Whispers and Echoes, an online journal of short writing where Sammi invites bloggers to submit Flash fiction and poems. It is just one of Sammi’s various offerings and the more you look the more you will be delighted by her work. Please do follow the links below and explore the world of Sammi Cox, and those that she features. You are bound to find something you love.

https://whispersandechoesmag.home.blog

How Dare You? | Peter Matthews

Posted on December 7, 2020 by sammicoxwriter

I wrote this as a social commentary on the modern phenomenon of X feeling that their opinion is the only one that matters. It seems that no-one has the right to disagree, debate, discuss, or do anything other than accept that X is right and has the absolute right to have everyone else accept that opinion. You can choose your own X!

HOW DARE YOU?

I really am very offended

that you will not think as I do

My opinion’s the one that should matter

why should anyone listen to you

All that you say is just rubbish

it’s plain you are just a buffoon

If the men in white coats do not know yet

be assured that they will very soon

I’m reporting you now to the agents

who police all these matters of state

I’m sure they’ll agree with the things that I say

that your mind is just twisted with hate

And if I can’t prove that you’re evil

I’ll just make up stories that tell

you are obviously wrong in all that you think

and you’ll surely be going to hell

I’ll laugh as they take you to prison

and make sure your family go too

You will ne’er again make that silly mistake

of not thinking the way that I do!

Rapid rhyme #35

Colleen’s post today, on The Chatter Blog, entitled Until You Can’t prompted me to write a Rapid Rhyme which I have decided to call (surprise, surprise)……….

Until You Can’t

The will to do

won’t make it so

our own free choice

to come and go

to safely rise

from kneeling down

to smile, to groan,

to grin, to frown

our bodies shrink

our bones will creak

our voices waver

sometimes squeak

determination 

helps a lot

we lost our way

and names forgot

we often snooze

whilst others work

then snap awake

when muscles jerk

some were perfect

others sinned

well, damn me

just stood up….

…………………..

broke wind!

More than Equal

I was recently honoured to be featured on Sammi Cox’s Whispers and Echoes, an online journal of short writing where Sammi invites bloggers to submit Flash fiction and poems. It is just one of Sammi’s various offerings and the more you look the more you will be delighted by her work. Please do follow the links below and explore the world of Sammi Cox, and those that she features. You are bound to find something you love.

Posted on  by sammicoxwriter

I’d like to take a moment of your time if I may

to tell of the stupidity of man

For those who would demand that equal rules apply

you’re welcome to add wo when you can


It seems to me I’m stupid and I really should take care

for political correctness should enthuse

but to me a man’s a man and a woman surely can

do anything and anyone she choose


I’ve long espoused the thought that a woman really ought

be in charge of everything that is in sight

It seems to me it could, and if left to me it would

be enshrined in law and be a natural right


The world will surely wake and each of us partake

in a life that has equality at heart

and those bastions of hate that simply can’t relate

should be burned and then extinguished with a fart


You may think this extreme but modern life is mean

and the haves have had it much too much I think

It’s time equality reached down to you and me

It’s time the have nots saved us from the brink!


Peter Matthews, a country boy at heart, lives with his wife and British Shorthair cat in the suburbs of Nottingham, England.  His greatest achievement is that he has aged fairly gracefully but has avoided growing up.  Peter has written poetry from the age of sixteen and blogs regularly at www.pollymermaid.wordpress.com.

Rapid rhyme #34

It’s a bit of a bugger being dead

when I think of the things I’ve not said!

I’m not really dead. At least I don’t think I am.

However, take heed. If there is someone you love, and you haven’t told them, do it now.

If there is someone you appreciate, and you haven’t told them, do it now.

If there is someone who helped you, and you haven’t thanked them, do it now.

If you hurt someone’s feelings, and you haven’t said sorry, do it now.

Not tomorrow – NOW

Tomorrow, you, or they, may not be there!