Tag: Limericks
Thin Skin – A linked limerick
Such a marvellous thing is my skin
It helps keep my blood and guts in
It keeps the rain out
But now there’s no doubt
It is getting increasingly thin
Maybe I’ve just turned a page
It’s a battle my body must wage
I develop strange hues
And so easily bruise
It’s something to do with my age
Lundi limerick #105
Thinking of Acton I’m glad
so special to Mum and to Dad
It’s where they first met
and their future was set
Such a wondrous life they both had.
There is not a lot to be said about Acton, a small hamlet in Staffordshire. You could so easily drive through it without knowing and yet, without its existence, I may well not have existed!
The one building that is there, an old Wesleyan Methodist Church that closed in 2003, is where my father, Charles Matthews, went to Sunday School, then to Chapel. Where he met my mother Irene Lily Matthews, née Talbot. Where they first started courting, all very prim and proper in those days. Where Dad first qualified for his 75 years as a Methodist Local Preacher.
I will add some photographs to a later post, and give a little more detail. I thought it appropriate that for the last of my two years worth of Lundi limericks (Lundi being french for Monday, for those who hadn’t noticed!!) I should write about somewhere extra special.
Thank you Acton. Thank you Mum and Dad.
Lundi limerick #104
I’ve chosen this one for a friend
the village this week is Bell End
Some may have a keenness
to think of glans penis
Be assured this will not set a trend
Bell End is a village in the English county of Worcestershire, situated approximately 3 kilometres (1.9 mi) south-east of Hagley on the A491, north of Bromsgrove and close to Kidderminster Stourbridge and Halesowen. It lies in the local government district of Bromsgrove.
On the western side of the village is Bell Hall, a Victorian Gothic mansion on the site of the original manor house. It was built in 1847 for Charles Noel, later a High Sheriff of Worcestershire, by the architect Edward Smith of Oldswinford.
The village shares its name with the British slang for the glans penis.
Lundi limerick #103
I know of a family of thieves
Who only go out on dark eves
They live by the brook
In the middle of Crook
and hide all their swag up their sleeves
Crook is a historic market town in County Durham, in the North East of England, located a couple of miles north of the River Wear, and about 9 miles (14.5 km) south-west of the historic city of Durham,
Originally an agricultural village around 1795, it later became a mining village, and thrived as the coal was very close to the surface. Soon there were over 20 mines around the Crook area, and by the end of the nineteenth century the town had developed rapidly in population and economy. However, by the twentieth century the population had declined as the coal mines and industries closed with over 34% of the population being unemployed.
Crook’s football team, Crook Town F.C., won the FA Amateur Cup five times, most recently beating Enfield F.C. in 1964, before the cup was abolished in 1974.
The town is also home to the oldest purpose built Cinema in the North, built as the Electric Palace and opened on 21 November 1910. It was recently used as a Car Parts and Accessories shop but a group was set up in 2015 with the intention of restoring the building back to a working cinema. Much of the original interior features remain inside.
Lundi limerick #102
A young man who lives in Devizes
has ears of varying sizes
They grow and they shrink
and you really would think
that he’d easily win many prizes
Devizes is a market town and civil parish in the centre of Wiltshire, England. It has nearly five hundred listed buildings, some notable churches, a town hall and a green in the centre of the town. The town developed around Devizes Castle, built by Osmund, Bishop of Salisbury in 1080, but it is not mentioned in the Domesday Book. Because the castle was on the boundaries of the manors of Rowde, Bishops Cannings, and Potterne it became known as the castrum ad divisas (“the castle at the boundaries”), hence the name Devizes.
Lundi limerick #101
Epsom is known for its horses
and magnesium rich water sources
The Derby takes place
a most famous race
on one of the country’s best courses
Epsom is a town in Surrey, England, approximately 13.5 miles (21.7 km) south of central London. The town is recorded as Ebbesham in the 13th century, probably derived from the name of a Saxon landowner. Founded as a spring line settlement where the permeable chalk of the North Downs meets the impermeable London Clay, Epsom developed as a spa town in the Georgian period. The mineral waters were found to be rich in magnesium sulphate, which became known as Epsom salts.
Each year, on the first Saturday in June, Epsom Downs Racecourse holds The Derby, the most prestigious of the five Classic flat season horse races.
Derby is pronounced DARBY, and Epsom laid claim before Kentucky did!
Lundi limerick #100
A lady from Folkestone in Kent
was fêted wherever she went
her ears were pointed
and both knees disjointed
and her back was incredibly bent
Folkestone is a port town on the English Channel, in south-east England. It was an important harbour and shipping port for most of the 19th and 20th centuries.
There has been a settlement in this location since the Mesolithic era. A nunnery was founded by Eanswith, granddaughter of Æthelberht of Kent in the 7th century, who is still commemorated as part of the town’s culture. During the 13th century it subsequently developed into a seaport and the harbour developed during the early 19th century to provide defence against a French invasion, and expanded further after the arrival of the railway in 1843. The harbour’s use has diminished since the opening of the nearby Channel Tunnel and stopping of local ferry services, but still remains in active use.
Sadly, although fêted, the lady was also fated to an early demise from complications due to her bone problems!
Lundi limerick #99
Glossop is windy and wild
but lately the weather’s been mild
they blamed global warming
for storms not conforming
Nat Nutter* just sat back and smiled
Glossop is a market town in the High Peak, Derbyshire, England, 15 miles (24 km) east of Manchester, 24 miles (39 km) northwest of Sheffield and 32 miles (51 km) north of the county town, Matlock, near Derbyshire’s borders with Cheshire, Greater Manchester, South Yorkshire and West Yorkshire. It is between 150 and 300 metres (492 and 984 ft) above mean sea level, and lies just outside the Peak District National Park. It probably dates from the 7th century.
Architecturally, the area is dominated by buildings constructed of the local sandstone. There remain two significant former cotton mills and the Dinting railway viaduct. Glossop has transport links to Manchester, making the area popular for commuters.
*‘The Gnat Hole Wood, Glossop, is very pleasant in the Summer time when there are no gnats about. The small stream of water that runs through the wood at one place forms a small pool; this was known as Old Nat Nutter’s Porridge Kettle. She had the reputation of being a witch and fortune teller and used this pool for unholy practices and incantations. She was a bogey to children.’ [Glossop Advertiser, 1913]*
Lundi limerick #98
Hinckley has just disappeared
a phenomenon really quite weird
‘twas the aliens did it
have they zapped or just hid it
they stood around, clapped and then cheered
Now, don’t worry, this isn’t a major catastrophe at Hinkley Point. We haven’t had a nuclear meltdown in Somerset. No, this is Hinckley, a market town in southwest Leicestershire, England. It is administered by Hinckley and Bosworth Borough Council. (Think Bosworth Field and the Wars of the Roses). Hinckley is the second largest town in the administrative county of Leicestershire, after Loughborough.
Hinckley is about midway between the cities of Leicester and Coventry and has a history going back to Anglo-Saxon times; the name Hinckley is Anglo Saxon: “Hinck” is someone’s name and “ley” is a meadow. By the time of the Domesday Book in 1086, Hinckley was quite a large village, and grew over the following 200 years into a small market town—a market was first recorded there in 1311. There is evidence of an Anglo Saxon church – the remnants of an Anglo Saxon sun-dial being visible on the diagonal buttress on the south-east corner of the chancel.
Such a pity that the aliens didn’t appreciate it!
