Advice for married men — bluebird of bitterness

How to help your wife when you retire!

by guest columnist Hal Hickenlooper It’s important for men to remember that as women age, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same standards of housekeeping as when they were younger. But when you notice this happening with your wife, try not to yell at her. Some women are oversensitive, and God knows there’s nothing worse than […]

Advice for married men — bluebird of bitterness

#Writephoto – Dinosaur

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Writephoto is a weekly challenge, hosted by KL, where a picture prompt is provided every Thursday and we are invited to create a post… poetry, prose, humour… light or dark, whatever we choose, as long as it is fairly family-friendly.

This week’s prompt post can be found here – 

https://new2writing.wordpress.com/2021/04/15/writephoto-dinosaur/

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Wally Mammoth

Standing by the pathway right beside the trees

I espy a mammoth who hasn’t any knees

He doesn’t want to talk at all, perhaps he’s been struck dumb

or maybe he’s just hanging round waiting for his Mum

……………

His colour’s sort of rusty red, his tusks are large and round

His floppy ears can hear it all, every little sound

He’s smiling right across his face, it goes from ear to ear

as if to say to everyone there is no need for fear

……………

He seems to breathe with little grunts, I thought there’d be more noise

Despite his size, and little eyes, he shows tremendous poise

As I approach much nearer he whispers with a hiss

Hello my lovely, come up close, and let me have a kiss!

A to Z of Nonsense

Arbitrary avenues, bellicose bends

Cantilevered caverns, dangerous dens

Every single episode could easily expose

Fancy if you will and gather all the goes

Hurry to the harbour, investigate the Ids

Jump every jerrycan kissing all the kids

Leap over lanterns, many then some more

Nicking all the neaps and offering an oar

Picking up some peppers, quacking in a queue

Running rings around us stirring up the stew

Taking turns to tamper, urging we undock

Voting for the vampires and cooking with a wok

Exiting excitingly yawning yet again

Zeds and zoos and zany clues adds zest we can’t explain

Flease flay your fart

Seen on my morning walk #1

Walking through long grass this morning when I disturbed a young pleasant couple canoodling.

I don’t know who was the most shocked, me, or them!

They disappeared very quickly into nearby woodland, he swearing at the top of his voice, and she screaming loudly.

Another beautiful walk.

 

Damn autocorrect  –  “pheasant”

How did we manage without sex education. — Broadsides – A collection of bits and pieces

I bet you spill your drink whilst reading this very serious article from John!

We didn’t know how to kiss.  No one told us how.  No one showed us what to do.  There was very little on the TV  and the kind of films we went to see on Saturday mornings didn’t have any kissing in them.  Abbott and Costello:  no kissing, Tarzan: no killing, Dean Martin and Jerry […]

How did we manage without sex education. — Broadsides – A collection of bits and pieces

Lundi limerick #100

A lady from Folkestone in Kent

was fêted wherever she went

her ears were pointed

and both knees disjointed

and her back was incredibly bent

 

Folkestone is a port town on the English Channel, in south-east England.  It was an important harbour and shipping port for most of the 19th and 20th centuries.

There has been a settlement in this location since the Mesolithic era. A nunnery was founded by Eanswith, granddaughter of Æthelberht of Kent in the 7th century, who is still commemorated as part of the town’s culture. During the 13th century it subsequently developed into a seaport and the harbour developed during the early 19th century to provide defence against a French invasion, and expanded further after the arrival of the railway in 1843. The harbour’s use has diminished since the opening of the nearby Channel Tunnel and stopping of local ferry services, but still remains in active use.

Sadly, although fêted, the lady was also fated to an early demise from complications due to her bone problems!

Rapid rhyme #27

I’m pretty sure I do not know

where I came from or where to go

I’m of two minds it’s very clear

Should I go or p’raps stay here?

Lundi limerick #97

A lassie from Ilkley who swore

that she lived with a wolf on the moor

said there’s nowt wrong with that

or not wearing a hat

a traditional life’s such a bore

 

Habitation in Ilkley dates from the Mesolithic period, from about 11,000 BC onwards. It is in one of the most beautiful areas of the United Kingdom, The Yorkshire Dales, alongside the River Wharfe. You can read more about the town here.

lkley Moor is part of Rombalds Moor, the moorland between Ilkley and Keighley (pronounced Keethly) in West Yorkshire, England. The moor, which rises to 402 m (1,319 ft) above sea level, is well known as the inspiration for the Yorkshire “county anthem” On Ilkla Moor Baht ‘at (dialect for ‘on Ilkley Moor without a hat’).

 

 

 

 

Rapid rhyme #26

 

I’m feeling a little light-headed

My beautiful tresses have gone

I managed a barber’s appointment

Since March there have simply been none

 

 

When younger I served in the army

so never had long hair or curls

At the time it wasn’t important

the uniform attracted the girls

 

but later I wished I’d been able

to mirror the hippies and groups

to see what life was in the sixties

instead of being part of the troops!