A bat who was cute, small, and black
flew to London one night, then flew back
Halfway through the flight
she had such a fright
when encountering a flying Big Mac!
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Category: humour
Lundi limerick #50
My camel is really quite small
because he has no humps at all
He can’t store lots of water
the way that he oughta
so buys his supplies at a stall
Guess the name of my camel?
Humphrey!
(that’s twice in 4 weeks that I’ve used oughta)
Twittering Tales #151 – 27 August 2019
It’s time again, for Kat Myrman’s wonderful challenge, to write a story, inspired by her picture prompt, in 280 characters or fewer.
Here is this week’s prompt and my contribution.
Check out all the fabulously creative entries here and, if you’ve never had a go, why not try a story of your own? You may surprise yourself!
Mashup of photos by pendleburyannette (dragon) & MichaelGaida (forest) at Pixabay.com
Lost In Space
Close call with that meteor last week!
Yes, but have you seen this weird craft under the tree? There’s a canister just by the open door. Let’s look inside!
What’s this? A short story by the looks of it. Written by Peter’s pondering.
So, that’s why it wasn’t included in the roundup!
(278 characters)
It seems there may be a few stories stuck in that canister!
Rapid rhyme #13 – Unlucky for some!
Does my bum look big in this?
Of course it bloomin’ does!
But I will never say as much
Because – oh, just because
I learned to hold my tongue way back
In 1974
Like every married fella does
I got to know the score!
Rapid rhyme #12
MOZZIES
These mozzies won’t listen to reason
when told that they’re not welcome here
With all of this new global warming
it’s tropical diseases I fear!
It used to be just the odd nibble
a swelling that itched or was sore
but with all of this new global warming
there’s hillocks and mountains and more
I’ve been eaten alive by the beasties
they sneak everywhere on my skin
They pause, then they bite, then they suckle
and I didn’t say they could come in
With all of this new global warming
I fear I’m condemned to succumb
Well, would you believe what just happened
I’ve been bitten all over my bum!
I may have to voluntarily admit myself to some sort of clinic!
On checking the number of the previous Rapid rhyme, in order to number this one, I find that #11 also featured the word “bum”. Not only that, but Lundi limerick #48, and #49 also had bums in them!
Do I need help, or is this just a feature of getting older?
Lundi limerick #48
Earwigs make marvelous Mums
have pincers on the end of their tums
with 2000 species
and real smelly faeces
it’s best to stay clear of their bums!
Song Lyric Sunday 04/08/2019 – Song from a TV Show
Thank you to Jim Adams, who hosts Song Lyric Sunday and gives us the chance to share lots of familiar, and some not so familiar, songs.
If you fancy sharing one of your favourite songs you can find out how to participate, and also listen to all the great entries, here.
The theme for this week posed a bit of a problem for me as I could quite happily live without television in my life!
I was 14 when we first had a television. Black and white of course, and only one channel. At 16, I joined the army and went to college for 3 years. No television. At 19 I deployed to the Middle East. No television. At 21 I went to Germany. Very little television. My daughter grew up with Sesame Street in German. So it goes on. I watched TV intermittently. Today, if the television is on, the chances are that I am reading blogs rather than watching it.
However, I think it is impossible to be untouched by television. I have seen a fair selection along the way, and one thing I MUST see, when it is on, is Later……with Jools Holland. He is a consummate musician and performer in his own right and , over the years, has introduced a gargantuan list of artists of every genre imaginable, and then some! You can see the list here.
So I thought here we have a huge number of songs I can use for my SLS choice this week.
WRONG!
Instead, I suddenly thought of one show that I found to be both funny, thought provoking, and, at times, downright sad!
M*A*S*H (an acronym for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) was an American war comedy-drama television series that aired on CBS from 1972 to 1983. It was developed by Larry Gelbart, adapted from the 1970 feature film M*A*S*H, which, in turn, was based on Richard Hooker’s 1968 novel MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors. The series, which was produced with 20th Century Fox Television for CBS, follows a team of doctors and support staff stationed at the “4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital” in Uijeongbu, South Korea, during the Korean War (1950–53). The show’s title sequence features an instrumental-only version of “Suicide Is Painless,” the original film’s theme song. The show was created after an attempt to film the original book’s sequel, M*A*S*H Goes to Maine, failed. The television series is the best-known of the M*A*S*H works, and one of the highest-rated shows in U.S. television history. (wikipedia)
This was, of course, being shown at the time of the Vietnam War, and was highly controversial. What started out as a comedy, with drama overtones soon became a drama with added comedy!
It’s a long time ago now, but I seem to remember that the “squaddie” humour really came across well, and could evoke real feelings of sadness, even the odd tear or two.
Suicide Is Painless is a song written by Johnny Mandel (music) and Michael Altman (lyrics). It was the theme song for both the movie and TV series M*A*S*H.
Director Robert Altman had two stipulations about the song for Mandel: it had to be called “Suicide Is Painless” and it had to be the “stupidest song ever written”. Altman attempted to write the lyrics himself, but upon finding it too difficult for his 45-year-old brain to write “stupid enough,” he gave the task to his 14-year-old-son Michael, who wrote the lyrics in five minutes. Ironically, the son’s income from royalties for the song far exceeded his father’s income for the film.
So here it is. The Tongue-in-cheek theme song for the very sad tongue in cheek comedy about the Korean war. The film was released in 1970, at the height of the Vietnam war, and the TV series debuted in 1972, appealing to the growing anti war crowd, lasted 11 years, and was arguably one of the most successful series ever.
The TV series used instrumental versions of the song only.
Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The game of life is hard to play
I’m gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I’ll someday lay
So this is all I have to say
Suicide is painless (suicide)
It brings on many changes (changes)
And I can take or leave it if I please
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn’t hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger
Watch it grin
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied oh why ask me?
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
And you can do the same thing if you please
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Johnny Mandel / Michael B Altman
Suicide Is Painless lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Lundi limerick 46
A goose flew right into my room
but strangely flew in on a broom
He said he was looking
for good plain home cooking
and then disappeared with a zoom!
Twittering Tales #143 – 2 July 2019
It’s time again, for Kat Myrman’s wonderful challenge, to write a story, inspired by her picture prompt, in 280 characters or fewer.
Here is this week’s prompt and my contribution.
Check out all the fabulously creative entries here and, if you’ve never had a go, why not try a story of your own? You may surprise yourself!
Photo by Ryan McGuire at Pixabay.com
Simon forced his eyelids apart, licked his dry lips, and looked down, with a sigh, at his wallet, now devoid of cash!
The last thing he remembered was staggering out of the club.
He looked up, and could see, immediately, that he and the Beetle had an identical problem.
Piston broke!
(280 characters)
If you have to explain a joke, it ceases to be a joke, but I’ll risk that.
In British English:
“Pissed” does not mean “very annoyed”, but it does mean “drunk”.
“Broke” means “having completely run out of money”.
There, one joke ruined, just like the piston!
Lundi limerick #41
A leopard cannot change its spots
and some of them have lots and lots
It’s funny to think
of a leopard in pink
or in tartan, for those who are Scots
