How to help your wife when you retire!
by guest columnist Hal Hickenlooper It’s important for men to remember that as women age, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same standards of housekeeping as when they were younger. But when you notice this happening with your wife, try not to yell at her. Some women are oversensitive, and God knows there’s nothing worse than […]
Advice for married men — bluebird of bitterness
Writephoto is a weekly challenge, hosted by KL, where a picture prompt is provided every Thursday and we are invited to create a post… poetry, prose, humour… light or dark, whatever we choose, as long as it is fairly family-friendly.
This week’s prompt post can be found here –
https://new2writing.wordpress.com/2021/04/15/writephoto-dinosaur/
Wally Mammoth
Standing by the pathway right beside the trees
I espy a mammoth who hasn’t any knees
He doesn’t want to talk at all, perhaps he’s been struck dumb
or maybe he’s just hanging round waiting for his Mum
……………
His colour’s sort of rusty red, his tusks are large and round
His floppy ears can hear it all, every little sound
He’s smiling right across his face, it goes from ear to ear
as if to say to everyone there is no need for fear
……………
He seems to breathe with little grunts, I thought there’d be more noise
Despite his size, and little eyes, he shows tremendous poise
As I approach much nearer he whispers with a hiss
Hello my lovely, come up close, and let me have a kiss!
She loved in Virginia Water
an awful lot more than she oughta
She wore pink lace frills
and lived for the thrills
Some say ‘twas her mother who taught her!
I wonder how many misread the second word?
Virginia Water is a town I could not afford to live in. A report from October 2015 listed Virginia Water as the most expensive town (excepting individual London boroughs) for property in the UK, having an average house price exceeding £1m. The 2011 Census showed the population of Virginia Water to be 5,940. Many of the homes are situated on the Wentworth Estate, the home of the Wentworth Club which has four golf courses. The Ryder Cup was first played there. It is also home to the headquarters of the PGA European Tour, the professional golf tour. The estate reached the headlines in 1998 when General Augusto Pinochet was kept under house arrest in one of its houses prior to his extradition.
Easter Sunday, boiler’s broke
phone the gas, they send a bloke
social distance makes it hard
shout to him across the yard
Cat goes crazy, races round
scratches bloke then goes to ground
launches right across his head
goodness me I think he’s dead
Thank the Lord he’s coming round
the cat once more has gone to ground
the boiler well and truly broken
the bloke at least has now awoken!
No cats, or blokes, were hurt in the writing of this poem! The boiler, however, is crying – all over the once dry bedding and towels. Happy Easter everyone.
Bridget had a few things to finish in order to find her inner peace.
She found it!
I heard a Doctor on TV saying at this time, when we all are forced to stay at home, we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start. Now or never! Time to finish old projects and calm down by doing so.
A lady from Plymouth I know
she lived in a tent on the Hoe
just under the lighthouse
she built a new shitehouse*
and charged folk a penny to go
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Hoe
*Also known as a shithouse. Generally means an outside toilet.
Thank you to Jim Adams, who hosts Song Lyric Sunday and gives us the chance to share lots of familiar, and some not so familiar, songs.
If you fancy sharing one of your favourite songs you can find out how to participate, and also listen to all the great entries, here.
This week Jim has given us the task of finding a song with La in the title, or lyrics. Now, surely, that is every single song ever written! If we don’t know the words what do we all do? We sing along with La, la, la, and it is international as shown in these German lyrics to the, now what’s it called? The La la la song!
My first La song of pop memories just has to be Pat Boone’s 1962 hit “Speedy Gonzales”. You could sing along to it, dance to it, it was funny, and it introduced the UK audience to new food and drink. What more could we ask for?
Pat Boone (his really name) is still active at the age of 85 and was married, at age 19, to Shirley, who was also a recording artist and television personality. She died in January 2019.
I hope you enjoy this fun memory of mine!
Speedy Gonzales
It was a moonlit night in Old Mexico.
I walked alone between some old adobe haciendas.
Suddenly, I heard the plaintive cry of a young Mexican girl:
La la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la
la la la la.
You better come home Speedy Gonzales, away from tannery row.
Stop all of your drinking with that floosie named Flo!
Come on home to your adobe and slap some mud on the wall!
The roof is leaking like a strainer. There’s loads of roaches in the
hall.
(La la la la)
Speedy Gonzales (Speedy Gonzales),
why don’t you come home?
Speedy Gonzales (Speedy Gonzales),
how come you leave me all alone?
“He, Rosita, I have to go shopping downtown for my mother,
she needs some Tortillias and Chilli Pepper!”
La, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la
la la.
Your doggie’s gonna have a puppy, and we’re running out of Coke.
no enchiladas in the icebox, and the television’s broke.
I saw some lipstick on your sweatshirt, I smell some perfume in your
ear.
Well, if you’re gonna keep on messin’, don’t bring your business back
a-here.
(La la la la)
Mmm, Speedy Gonzales (Speedy Gonzales),
why don’t you come home?
Speedy Gonzales (Speedy Gonzales),
how come you leave me all alone?
“He, Rosita, come quick!
Down at the cantina, they’re giving green stamps with Tequila!”
La, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la
la la
La la la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la
la la la la la.
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Buddy Kaye / Ethel Lee / David Hess
Speedy Gonzales lyrics © Bienstock Publishing Company
My cousin Kevin worked at Kew
he kept the kale well clipped
He couldn’t cut too closely though
in case his clippers slipped
He used a cutlass on the grass
as sharp as sharp could be
A fact that he regretted much
as he sliced through his knee
Regardless, Kevin hopped around
but fell and banged his head
He rolled across the grass and then
he rolled into the bed
Alas poor Kevin is no more
succumbed to cuts too many
And if you want another verse
Well tough, there are not any!
There was a young lady from Ealing
who hung upside down from the ceiling
She dressed really random
whilst riding a tandem
singing opera with consummate feeling
It’s time again, for Kat Myrman’s wonderful challenge, to write a story, inspired by her picture prompt, in 280 characters or fewer.
Here is this week’s prompt and my contribution.
Check out all the fabulously creative entries here and, if you’ve never had a go, why not try a story of your own? You may surprise yourself!
Photo by David Cardinez@pixabay.com
Bruno was really very pleased with his new SUV.
It wasn’t the precise colour he’d wanted, but the layout was superb, and the extras far surpassed any other make.
It was the first car to be fitted with a bathroom.
Bruno could now answer the age old question with “No, in the car!”
(276 characters)
Artist by choice, photographer by default, poet by accident.
the blog of Angélique Jamail, Author
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