My Life #1 – A life of badges!

It was only in January 2012, when I was thinking about my retirement speech, that I realised my life had been following a path determined by badges. It had never really occurred to me until then.

Here are some of the badges that have been significant in my life. The more I think about it, the more I can think of.

Over the next few months I shall elaborate on each, thus providing a mini autobiography.

Whatever happened to Whatsisname?

 

ghost writerpost-milestone-50-2x50th post!

I go for a walk most days, and on the way I normally meet others going about their daily lives. Some I know by name, others by sight. Some are a once in a lifetime meeting.

What if one of these individuals ceases to be seen?

What has happened to them?

Quite often I am able to find out from some other acquaintance that “the man with the 2 black Labradors fell down a drain and wasn’t found for 2 weeks!” or some such tale. His dogs would, of course, have stayed faithfully by his side!

But what happens when a blogger disappears?

Have they given up their blog?

Are they taking a break?

Have they gone on an extended holiday to some exotic destination where there is no internet, or mobile coverage at all? If so, are they having severe withdrawal symptoms?

Have they taken holy orders?

How on earth am I to know?

I have agreed, with one of the bloggers I follow, that, should either of us die, we will come back to write a brief explanation of why we are no longer around. I really think that should be written into the terms and conditions of WordPress.

What say you?

An incredible itch, a rubber glove, and a very large penis

Now that I’ve grabbed your attention I can reveal that the following are real instances of encounters with patients by emergency staff.

 

A very smart looking lady, who was 106, presented with an incredibly itchy back. She told the doctor that she had no one to scratch it for her and asked for his help. Thinking that she must be confused the doctor started assessing her capacity, asking various questions. She sailed through the answers and, on the final one “Who sits on the throne?” she replied “ Doctor, it’s Queen Elizabeth the second. Now are you going to help me or not?”

The doctor decided he could not deny so venerable a lady some relief so set to giving her back a good scratch. She was rather deaf and started screaming “Up. up…. down, down…Oh yes!” At this stage the A & E sister flung back the curtains!

 

A doctor’s first experience of sewing up a very large cut on the head of an unconscious drunk went very well, despite the doctor being incredibly anxious with shaking hands. The closure was perfect, apart from the fact that he had stitched his glove to the top of the man’s head. The nurse had to leave the room in hysterics. They did not tell the patient!

 

A very sweet 90 year old lady had suffered a fall. She told the nurse that her husband had died about a year ago. The nurse asked what she missed about him the most, expecting a reply of companionship, or someone to hug. The lady said, “He had a lovely great big penis, and he knew just what to do with it.”